On Monday, I went to see my father for the first time since defecting from Florida and resigning as his caregiver. It was definitely anxiety-inducing. I opted to walk the 1.8 miles to his home from my friend’s home, and I am so glad I did. By the time I arrived, I had more clarity and had burned through a lot of the nervous energy. I reminded myself to view him and myself more compassionately. He was visibly anxious when I arrived, and did not seem receptive to small talk, so I just aid I would be in the bedroom packing my belongings and if he wanted to visit, he could come in.
I reminded myself that his behavior is not reflection of me or my worth. He was anxious about our meeting as well. Eventually we did have a little bit of conversation that was mostly productive and kind. The anticipation anxiety I experience is almost always worse than whatever transpires. It is something I need to remind myself of constantly to manage. Yet, it is nice when you reinforce this with a positive exchange.
I was a student athlete growing up playing softball, basketball, and track. Running was particularly therapeutic. Unfortunately, car accidents and overuse injuries keep me from running these days, but I walk, dance, and dance walk to get the endorphins pumping. I think exercise during my teenage years delayed the onset of the severity of my depression. When I reflect back now, I realize movement and who I spent the most time with probably had the greatest influence on my mood.
As I moved through my twenties, I didn’t exercise as frequently and who I was surrounding myself was constantly changing. Not always for the better. The medical mantra is that something is wrong with you or your brain when you are experiencing depressive or manic symptoms and yet so much could be an environmental factor such as toxic home and/or workplace, mold exposure, poor diet, unsanitary living conditions, food or housing insecurity, hormonal imbalance, and domestic violence whether it is mental, emotional, or physical.
I think running regularly down by the ocean gave me a two for one benefit by spending time in nature while I exercised, I was grounded by the natural beauty and burned through nervous energy, while enjoying an endorphin high. Dancing is another great choice for modifying your mood, and it is the best activity to share with another person to ward off cognitive decline. You’d be surprised how much benefit you can get from a shaking what your momma gave you for three to five minutes for your mood and outlook.